Something is wrong with my head fom extacy please help.?

Ok so this is a long story. When i was very young i started looking at gay porn and i didnt know it was bad so as i got older i just kept doing it and i finally realized i needed to stop so i did. Every day i would say little phrases in my head like "thats my brother why would i want to have sex with him" things like that and it worked out well and it was all going good until the time where my friend introuduced me to extacy. I told him i only wanted to do it once and that i was gonna stop doing it after my first time but i got addiced and ended uo doing it 10 times in total and after acting werid it havin very bad ezpieriences saying those phrases while i was rolling and then getting trapped in mt mind i stopped. but ever since my head has been going crazy. It gets trapped in these mind states that i need to force my head literally to snap out of it and be me. Sometimes i even have to push my head like im moving something in my brain to make it stop. Its gotten to the point where i just want to lay in my bed and do nothing forever i cant stop it and i thought it was just anxiety but something is seriously changing in my brain every 5 minutes and i cant stop it. Please diagnose me or send this to a professional for some type of answer.